The past week has shown how toxic our political discourse has become. Social media is filled with angry posts, sweeping generalizations, and cheap theatrics designed to stir outrage. On the right, some voices paint every Democrat as ignorant, evil, or deserving of punishment. On the left, others respond with whataboutism or even justification for violence because the victim once said things they oppose.
All the best intentions of “Disagree Better” are not working as well as many of us had hoped. Perhaps it’s time for a shift.
Conflict is not the same as contention. A society that values free speech should expect strong disagreement and sharp debate. But calling out gaslighting, performative outrage, and engagement farming is not fueling division. That is aggressive civility: a deliberate, disciplined refusal to sink into the dishonest tactics that have poisoned political culture. It’s constructive communication.
One meme I saw posted in a local Facebook group declared: “Democrats – they’re not just stupid and misinformed, they’re genuinely shitty people.” It reduced politics to contempt, packaged for applause, with no trace of policy critique. Other posts follow the theme of demanding that we make “Idaho unbearable for liberals” or demanding “wrath” and” retribution”.
Right after the assassination of Charlie Kirk, some people on the left reposted his statements on violence and suggested he got what he deserved, something we can all agree is not true. Nobody deserves to be murdered for exercising their free speech.
This is not principled opposition. It’s dehumanization.
These types of commentary rely on the same playbook and are ignorant of their own hypocrisy. They twist moments into caricatures, then farm engagement from an audience eager for tribal validation. These posts often lean into vitriol for the other side and go quiet when their side is guilty of doing the same thing.
For instance, those on the right are gleefully exposing individuals who are celebrating the political violence and working hard to get them fired from their jobs. It’s giving them more X likes than their usual outrage. These same people cry foul when their own content gets exposed for celebrating violence towards the other side, anti-Semitism, and racism, and their livelihoods are threatened.
The addiction to social media engagement euphoria blinds people to rational decision-making and feeds the hate machine. This is manufactured outrage, and it’s a big part of the problem.
Civility is not weakness. Aggressive civility means leaning into facts, highlighting dishonesty, and exposing manipulative tactics without mirroring the vitriol. When someone posts divisive content, challenge the tactic, not the person’s character. A factual response that points out exaggeration or misrepresentation often triggers a defensive reaction. The commenter lashes out with personal attacks; instead of replying in kind, press for evidence. Ask them to back up their claim. Demand clarity. They must then choose: keep doubling down without proof and look foolish, or pause and reconsider. That pause is where the opening lies.
I know this because I have been guilty of fighting with online trolls in ways that were not productive. There was a time when I thrived on using divisive language to “win the fight.”
Fighting online can feel like a sport, especially in political debates where the adrenaline comes from scoring points and exposing weaknesses. Over the years, I’ve learned that honest engagement grounded in facts is stronger than bitter fights where nobody wins. The reaction to this week’s tragedy reminded me that if I want change, I need to do better if I’m going to ask others to do the same.
This does not mean ignoring harmful and abusive social media posts. When someone shares dishonest or damaging content, it must be addressed. When I was called a “POS” by someone who falsely attributed a quote about Charlie Kirk on the day of his murder, I didn’t ignore it. Yes, it was devious to accuse me of saying something I did not say, and I fact-checked it, provided receipts, and requested a retraction. That is part of aggressive civility—confronting dishonesty directly, and putting a stop to the harm the deceptions cause. The same can be done in defense of others being targeted with dishonest and dehumanizing content. Sharing facts and backing up your claims with evidence are the strongest tools you can use to hold integrity. And when others use logical fallacies to try to bait you into a fight, remember, you have zero obligation to respond to questions made in bad faith. Call attention to the logical fallacies being used and keep emotion out of it.
There is another piece: always leave an offramp. If someone shows even a slight shift toward reason or a willingness to engage honestly, acknowledge it. Praise the better behavior. Signal that the door is open for conversation on constructive terms. Culture shifts when people realize that divisive content gets fact-checked, dishonesty is exposed in real-time, and engagement farming no longer delivers approval. Social media thrives on attention. Remove the reward and the incentive changes.
We do not have to be enemies. Disagreement is natural. Conflict is normal. What corrodes democracy is the constant drumbeat of contempt, outrage, and dehumanization that treats political opponents as threats rather than fellow citizens.
If you have questions or would like to learn more about aggressive civility engagement, please email me.
About the Author
Gregory Graf is the creator of Political Potatoes and a lifelong conservative Republican. His articles often criticize the hypocrisy committed by far-right grifters who’ve taken control of the Idaho GOP and inaccurately define what it means to be a Republican. Follow Graf on X: https://x.com/gsgraf
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Disclaimer
The following is intended to convey an opinion on newsworthy events of public concern regarding public figures and/or public officials in exercising their official duties. No implications or inferences—beyond those explicitly stated in the preceding— are intended to be conveyed or endorsed by the Author. Wherever available, hyperlinks have been provided to allow readers to directly access any underlying assertions of fact upon which this opinion is based. Aggressive civility is not politeness at all costs. It is a strategy to dismantle dishonest tactics with truth and discipline. It makes conflict productive rather than destructive. And it offers a path out of the cycle of vitriol that has left our politics broken.
This is precisely what I have been contemplating on but I wasnt sure how to do it. Thank you for laying it out!
Thank you for this GG.